May 2017

on 5/14/17 vania kim wrote:

I used to love the ocean.
So deep, so seamless.
A rippled mirror reflecting the mysterious face of sky,
Deluged with the stars and unknown tales of the void.
I was captivated.
I saw in it what I felt in me.
Contained yet empty.
Vast yet underestimated
Calm as a summers breeze yet wild as a storm.
Time and time again my love was left aboard a ship that set sail into the deep, just to return along ghost ships…
Marooned broken amidst the shore.
Pieces of me left scattered like ash, laid to rest amongst ocean bed rocks…
I wait here in the sand.
Just a lighthouse with a broken beacon.
Calling out to you from the dark.
…But you cant see me.
I’m just a shadow in the wind,
And you? A ship without a sail.
Anxious to discover my shores.
You admire my beauty from afar
Through a scope in the fog.
My island of hidden treasures
Luring you like a glitter in the shade.
It isn’t safe for you here.
It isn’t safe for me there.
I still make fire from pieces of wreckage.
I remember nights of inscribing my faith through poems before sealing it in a bottle…
Tossing it out into deep water, just for the current to bring it back to me.
You cannot see my jagged oceans edge from here.
Encasing my island in a wall of defeat and fear.
You don’t see my broken.
This is no place to dock.
Why must I warn you?
Why must I protect me?
If I never have you…
I could never lose you beside a shipwreck.
I used to love the ocean,
Until I realized you could lose yourself in the beauty chasing the unknown.
It made me contained yet empty.
Vast yet underestimated.
Calm as a summers breeze but as wild as a storm.
And still I wait here in the sand.
Just a lighthouse with a broken beacon.
Calling out to you from the dark.
But you… cant… see me.
My ocean.
A rippled mirror reflecting the mysterious face of sky.

i replied:


swimming in the dark.
at odds with the deep.
i was rowing, somehow, before.
making my way to your shore.
i was sure. certain to find
what this course was for.
this odyssey was odd,
i was thinking and so caught
up I broke my oar.
this feeling was unknown
i was pondering and so caught
up dashed my boat upon
rocks far from the coast
that you call yours.
now, in the dark, i swim.
my heart falters.
my spirit, grim.
fearing death,
i sang a hymn.

find me as i look for you.
find me if ever beauty was truth.
your stars and mine aligned.
your life and mine intertwined.
through the dark, through the dim
a daft dream, yet i still swim.

seamless, the horizon lining
the stoic sky to the murmuring sea.
silent, the waters keep pining.
passing ships, they mock me.
icons of my past begrudging.
but your unseen light calls me.
waves crashing. storms brewing.
no beacon that i can see.

are we ever safe anywhere
when bound in the darkness
or drifting in surly seas?
the antique questions
begs your vintage stare –
to look with the desire
of classic traditions to which
we both adhere.

am i stranded in between
your mirror and my life in tow?
there is no measure to the sky above.
no fathom to the depths below.
if i let go, will i lose your love?
if i let go, will i grow old?
i do not know, but i will swim
without doubt for your shore.
at odds with the deep
no more.


i do like you.
so i do.
what are you
going to do
about it?
nothing, it seems.
quite alright.
memory leads me to a smile
and that cannot be taken away.
those things we say to pass
the day are little nothings we
take as companions to an
easy sleep. even easier dreams.
you like me.
just a bit.
but that will
get us nowhere.
you live having
been hurt – those burns.
trust is elusive.
slippery. truly earned.
living one’s younger days
should not be in
sad recollection
but in anticipation
of tomorrow.
eager to seize the day.
more so to make momentos.
i can write the most
sullen lines but i
would rather you and i
remember the glad
things about sharing.
laughter at crotchety old
men at the concession
stand the first time we
saw a movie.
seafood by the pier
when that place was
new to me.
water falling crisply
in a narrow, hazy drop
on the flats of chantry.
i see no need to
list faults with you
or the scenario
between us.
if we cannot be.
if we should not
you should know,
i still smile for
what has been.



i’m a fool with a wall
daft and tall.
i’m a fool for you
when remembering at all.
When the hour slows
keenly to a crawl and
i find myself wondering
why you aren’t here
laying with me,
breathing softly,
needing the simplest
things in life –
good, clean water.
a morning saunter.
each other.

duty calls.
obligations stall.
the daily race to ball
as though we all
had the gift
of gall to
make it at all.
does that even matter?
these trifles and baubles
that line our hall.
these cards we horde
where the check
may fall.
when all we seek
is wherewithal.

these silly pursuits
nothing when posed
next to you.
on this morn when
i can mull it through.
that nag railing
my heart, in truth,
teeters my mood
with symptoms
long overdue.
indicative of a fall.
it’s friday morning
already, and i’m
laying alone in bed.
a fool with a wall.